I feel I've been in somewhat of a slump the past few days. I swear I shut out the world when i am like this. I'm like a bottle that can't be opened and I am just ready to explode. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings and I always put up a wall. Why is this?? Does anyone else share the same feeling. So, in hopes to release something inside of me I thought I would try to talk about it or anything for that matter.
My mom is here with me for the summer! I am so glad to have her here. Growing up there were times I would just go lay with my mom in her bed and we would talk late into the night. We did this again last night. These are some of my favorite memories with my mom. A haven where my world slows down and finds peace. Through out the years I know I have come to peace with my mom being blind. When I was younger I used to pray every night that she would be able to see again. It slowly faded off through out the years, because I know she will see again, but I believe not in this lifetime.
So randomly though, the other night I found myself pleaing and sobbing to my Heavenly Father for my mom to see again in this life. Probably cause I know He is the Master of all things and could return her sight in an instant, but why not? I can't tell you how long it's been since I have prayed for that and it's not even for my sake. I hate having to watch her struggle and feel useless, and worthless. It's been 21 years and she has endured so many things. I have my why? moments, which I am sure everyone has. Obviously I know there is a purpose and reason for whatever challenges we face in this life, but that doesn't mean sometimes I can't just flat out think it sucks.
On another note. My children keep my joy a flowin' that's for sure. They are what keep me wanting to be a better person. It's amazing the feelings that are created in your life when you have children to share it with. They make everything okay. Well, I think this is long enough for today. There is a ton more on my mind, but a little at time. Right? Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday! xoxo.
4 comments:
Cheery up Kells. I think everyone has funks, it's normal. Summer's here that's enough to cheer about. Your pictures are great.
Kelli I'm there with you, about having those days where your just ready to explode! I'm glad you wrote that about your mom. You are such a strong person, and I think you give some of that strength to your mom even though you may not know it. Cheer up, our Heavenly Father knows what's best for us and knows what's in your heart. On those days when we are feeling low, we really need to turn to Him because it's on those days when Satan is working his hardest to get to us. Hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend, I get to spend it with my mom too!
I love your darling mom.. Tell her I said hello
Hey Kelli,
Why? Why? Why? I'm with ya girl, sometimes things plain old suck. I've noticed that I've quit praying and asking for things in the past months... I just have this feeling that God doesn't really care, and some of my deepest prayers have gone "unanswered". I know this isn't true, but sometimes it feels that way. Your family has had so many struggles and you all deserve a season of peace. I've always been amazed and impressed with your family. Maybe it's the full moon? Maybe you need to run naked in the desert and howl at the moon? That's how I feel sometimes and I've just about done it. Love ya!
Post a Comment